Its funny, often the biggest changes in life happen when you least expect them. You may even fail to notice until you realise, that you’re already moving on and there is no going back.
Such is the way with me, and I have begun my transition on a path I have no clear line on. I just know it’s time to go down it.
Since I lost my grandfathers back in December, my world has been tilted and I keep waiting for it to rebalance. But it’s not, and I have come to the conclusion that it’s me who needs to figure out how to balance..not it.
Over the last few years, I’ve tried very hard to be something to everyone and tried hard to increase the running and triathlon community in our area. I’ve met some great people and learned many things along the way. Some nice..some not so nice. I’ve also learned to value my gut instinct and actually act on it. I have spread myself very thin and what was manageable became chaos and my anxiety came back. To add to the insult, a past scar has reopened and I need to figure out how to deal with it. I’ve ignored it for 35 years but now I need to find the strength to face it and I don’t….yet know how. None of this is coincidence.
My plan to start is very simple.
It is to be simple.
- To sit around a campfire with my family
- To pause running on top of a hill and simply look.
- To ride a bike through morning fog and feel the cool moist air
- To swim, and glide through a lake watching the world below me.
- To write. As a teen and a younger man, I used to love to write. I have always enjoyed trying to express complex thoughts and emotions through words. I plan to go back to writing.
All of this, may sound selfish, and it is. All of this will be for my family and I.